when you believe.

who knows what miracles you can achieve,

when you believe...

- mariah carey & whitney houston

since i started blogging for the office of undergraduate admission this summer, i have been horrible at regularly posting on my real personal blog. i think part of that was the busy-ness and craziness of last semester and part of it was me having another place to let out my thoughts. however, that wasn't necessarily good - because although it might be one of the coolest things ever to have my own blog on the website, i can't write about personal things on it. sure, i can write about going to grab coronas with friends at corona night or about tradition or about a fantastic professor, but it's not exactly appropriate for me to write about the not-great day i've had or the everyday musings and wanderings of my life - because, afterall, who wants to read that? but i've had all of this time this semester, with my new job that has the strangest hours ever (do not fear - i'm not working as a prostitute, just working in retail) and many extra curriculars that only meet during night time, i've had free days. and when i can make myself wake up at a decent time, those days are beautiful.

yesterday, despite waking up late(r), i decided, on a whim, to go on a "run." preface - i've never been a runner. never. my sister runs like it's her job and i just have never been able to break past that part where you're dying and don't want to run anymore that happens about 3-4 weeks into running regularly. i stumbled upon a couch to 5k plan and saw something that seemed to be pretty standard across multiple running websites - starting easy by jogging 60 seconds and then walking 90 seconds. i did this for the most part yesterday, and even though i was frustrated that sometimes i needed more than 90 seconds to cool down, i gave myself that time and ran 60 seconds when i was ready. i ran again today (because of this freak weather in williamsburg that is magical and makes it literally 75 degrees in february) and was able to do the 60-90 thing for 20 minutes. to anyone - that may sound crazy that i'm so genuinely excited about that. but to someone who cannot remember the last time she ran a full mile in her lifetime, i'm pretty f@#&@!g excited. i think i've decided that instead of using this blog to vent when i'm sad about how i don't have love or vent about when i'm angry, i'll turn it into a positive thing - this is about to be my online journal for running.

even though i'm on a slight endorphin high right now, i still realize that i have a long road ahead of me and i'm nervous. my goal is to be able to run 5k without stopping by graduation (may 12th). and i think i can do it. i was talking to my superstar runner friend wesley and she has always been a runner to me - the type of person who can pick up and run anywhere in her vibrams and lives in nike running shorts. she runs marathons. and 5ks. and 10 ks. and half marathons. and has a cool 26.2 sticker on her laptop. and she told me something - that when she started, she couldn't even run half a mile. HOLDUPWHAT!?!? she told me that it's okay & that i just have to get past that breaking point and be patient with myself and that i'll get there. and for the first time in a long time, i'm thinking that it might just be possible.

run on, biddies.

xoxo.

krp

hold my heart.

does anybody know how to hold my heart,

how to hold my heart, because i don't want to let go too soon.

- sara bareilles

i haven't written in who knows how long. and i hate that i'm using this right now as an opportunity to put things off of my chest that i can't begin to write anywhere else. i'm currently in the middle of an emotional rollercoaster - and i don't know what to do about it. there are all of these feelings inside me that i don't know what to do with - feelings of anxiety, fear, hatred, regret, and so many others. during the end of a cappella practice tonight, i was holding back tears. and i have no idea why. when we sang happy 29th birthday to my beautiful sister, i was holding back tears. when i got in the car and "someone like you" by adele played on the radio, i lost it. me, a competent 21 year old, bawling on the way home. i'm in a rut. and that's strange for most people to think of. because i shouldn't be in a rut. i'm 21. i go to william & mary. i have good friends, in fact, i have great friends. i have a wonderful job. i was even elected homecoming queen at william & mary this past weekend. but there's something missing. and it's not frustration over the fact that i dropped my phone in water and it's currently sitting in a bowl of rice to dry out. or that i didn't get the last two solos that i wanted more than anything. or that i miss the hell out of my sister and need her more than anything right now.

that something that i think i'm missing is love. i need, more than anything in my life, a great (and i mean, great) love. that one love that knocks me off of my feet. that makes me swoon and weak in the knees. a love that makes me feel again. that one love that lets me open up myself to someone with no reservations. yet, i'm standing here, waiting with open arms, and asking - where are you, love? when are you coming to me? when's it my turn?

because i'm frankly tired of never having had a true boyfriend. i'm frankly tired of having the only person i've really almost been relationship-wise-romantically involved with being someone who haunts my daily existence with his lies and our addiction to each other existing like a stain on my heart that no matter how hard i rub simply won't come out. i'm frankly tired of everyone around me being in a relationship and being happy, which i realize is completely and utterly selfish. i'm frankly tired of feeling bad about being selfish. i'm frankly tired of having never been truly in love. i'm frankly tired of living on my knees begging for other people to want to be with me. and i'm frankly tired of having nights like tonight where i cry for no reason and can't control my emotions.

so now it's back to homework and figuring out how to repair the shattered pieces of my heart so that one day, they'll be ready to love.

xoxo.

krp.

blog is up and RUNNING!

hi guys -

i just got the official and working link for my blog for the office of admissions -

and HERE IT IS! GET EXCITED!

http://blogs.wm.edu/author/krponder/

xoxo.

krp.

skinny love.

i told you to be patient, i told you to be fine,

i told you to be balanced, i told you to be kind.

in the morning i'll be with you,

but it will be a different "kind."

- bon iver.

200.

this is my 200th post. wow. seems like so long ago when sweet tea & sundrop began. so long ago when i first started this blog on a random whim freshman year. and it's especially funny for me to look at my first blog post (in january 0f 2009) when i thought this blog had to be something. when i thought it had to be cool & hip. when i randomly made the decision to make all of my blog titles also be song titles. i thought i'd go through and pick some interesting little quotes from my past blogs - from 1 from every month my blog's been in existence, so bear with me here, folks...

january 09 - i'm "that" quintessential girl who, when you meet her, will attempt and most likely succeed in making a connection between someone that she knows and someone that you know.

february 09 - i love going home for breaks from school and drinking nothing but sweet tea, going to field parties and bonfires, and wearing a camo hat.

march 09 - i love weather that i can just wear a skirt, top, jean jacket, and flip flops in.

april 09 - when i was little i used to get told that my eyes were beautiful, some of the most beautiful eyes that anyone had ever seen.

may 09 - i just have to think about where i want to be in my life, the person i want to be, the friends i want to have, and the relationships that i hold value to.

june 09 - in times of mass frustration, i just look to my dad, and realize how much work he does daily, how many people he saves, how many lives he touches, how much he loves, and realize that i need to get the ball rolling in my life.

july 09 - healing takes a while. and i need just a little while longer.

august 09 - it's a life spent waiting for the "one," and simply going to school and getting a job and doing things like that because they're there to fill up the time spent waiting.

september 09 - it's good to know that other people feel the same way you do through their lyrics.

october 09 - (whoops. didn't post any at all this month.)

november 09 - here i am. wishing and hoping and praying to have even the chance to have a love beyond imagination, a love filled to the brim and even overflowing with passion, loyalty, silliness, and longevity.

december 09 - (whoops. didn't post any at all this month either.)

january 10 - 2009 - you sucked a lot. but then you were good sometimes.

february 10 - i feel like a talent and a hobby go hand in hand, sometimes, but i guess you don't necessarily have to be talented at a hobby in order to like it.

march 10 - maybe it's just because i'm a southern girl born and raised, but whenever your outfit is missing that "something," try adding some pearls, and i guarantee you it'll be better than it looked before.

april 10 - and here is the next thing i love - accents.

may 10 - i miss that boy who was like my brother, that boy who honked at me obnoxiously and did his crazy eyes every time we passed on the road - me in the x-terra and him in the white jeep.

june 10 - i can now officially say that i have been to heaven and back.

july 10 - who still believes in love at first sight?

august 10 - how could anyone be perfectly lonely?

september 10 - and with the release of sara's new album, my love for her and her music has been cemented.

october 10 - the danger of refusing love is real. - eugene rogers

november 10 - as the thanksgiving season comes to a close, and the one of advent and christmas begin, i start to realize how sincerely and utterly blessed i am.

december 10 - the art of the apology. how should we apologize?

january 11 - there are some days when you go to church, and you feel like the sermon was made for you.

february 11 - this song is more beautiful than what i knew could exist.

march 11 - i've been falling out of touch with religion lately, making excuses for not going to church, not reading my bible, not necessarily living my life completely the way i know god would want me to, and something as simple as that prayer put me back in check with reality.

april 11 - and it's back on my grind after a beautiful weekend at home - it seems as if these last few weeks have been slipping through my fingertips quicker than the finest sand on a beach somewhere beautiful (where i would gladly be right now sipping on a margarita and getting tan instead of huddled inside for the next two weeks studying).

may 11 - i'm back from my hiatus.

june 11 - it's things like this that make me excited to be a part of the tribe - a tribe that extends much farther than williamsburg - one that extends all the way to haiti.

that's it. keep following me on this crazy journey - i'm sure it will only get more and more interesting as time goes on.

xoxo.

krp.

how to love.

for a second you were here, why you over there?

it's hard not to stare, the way you moving your body,

like you never had a love, never had a love.

- lil wayne.

so, i'm sitting here at my new job. and i wrote a blogpost, but i can't put it up yet because i haven't been taught how to post a blog yet. so i'm posting it here - for a trial run. :)

enjoy...

xoxo -

krp.

there’s just something about that william & mary connection…

william & mary has a program called branch out international, which helps organize and support international alternative breaks with william & mary students as well as train the leaders of these trips. for the past two semesters, i have been attending almost-weekly meetings with the two student leaders (adam and wesley) and melody porter in order to best prepare myself to lead the william & mary haiti compact with brian focarino. from may 17^th to the 24^th, i was in port-au-prince and cap haitien, haiti and i can honestly say that it was one of the most interesting and life-changing experiences i have had while i’ve been at william & mary. although this experience was by far one of the most amazing things i’ve done in quite some time, while i was in haiti (for just seven days), there were three different ways in which i encountered william & mary outside of the people that i was traveling with. let’s explore them…

1. random kid – while traveling five miles on horse up to the top of the citadel (see here – seriously one of the most beautiful places that i’ve ever been in my entire life), we were on the last mile stretch of the steepest part of the mountain. i may or may not have already almost fallen off of my horse at this point (wasn’t my fault – the horse literally sprinted up the steepest part and then turned a corner just a little too fast), but something caught my eye. there was a haitian kid walking up the side of the mountain and you will never guess what he was wearing – a long-sleeved william & mary t-shirt. i couldn’t believe my eyes – a random kid was wearing a william & mary t-shirt! i yelled out at him – “OH MY GOD – LOVE YOUR T-SHIRT!” and pointed at my chest and then his. he probably thought i was some ridiculous american who was being stupid, but it made me seriously so excited to see a william & mary t-shirt on the side of a mountain in rural northern haiti.

2. pure water for the world – when visiting an organization called pure water for the world which works in connection with international child care (ICC, our primary community partner), some of us had on t-shirts from william & mary, and believe it or not, a woman working there said, “wait, you guys are from william & mary? my daughter just finished her freshman year there!” yet another random william & mary moment where we were able to connect to a really awesome organization just because of the power of our university. pretty cool, right?

3. in the airport – while getting on the plane in port-au-prince on our last day to head back to the states, i was stopped by an older man because i had on a william & mary t-shirt. he said, similar to the woman at pure water for the world, “wait, you’re from william & mary? my daughter works there in the PR and development office!” even though i didn’t know her personally, the fact that we made a connection just by our shared william & mary-ness was pretty awesome. one of my other team members knew his daughter and was able to talk to the man for awhile, only reinforcing the positive relationships and opportunities that william & mary has to offer.

it’s things like this that make me excited to be a part of the tribe – a tribe that extends much farther than williamsburg – one that extends all the way to haiti.

kylee

who you are.

don't lose who you are, in the blur of the stars,

seeing is deceiving, dreaming is believing,

it's okay not to be okay.

- jessie j.

i'm back from my hiatus. only to start another one. the past few weeks have been a little crazy - finishing up my junior year, being home for a little bit, heading off to a life-changing experience in haiti, being home for memorial day weekend celebrations and heading to the river, and now being back at school to start my first day of work 8-5 all summer TOMORROW. it's a little daunting, right? i'm testing out my fancy new french press that is precious and adorable and will be fueling my caffeine addiction all summer, and i am testing it out! not as good as alistar's or rebecca's, but it'll do for now until i can get some better local coffee. i'm also considering starting to buy my coffee from a really neat company called "just haiti" but i need to chat with melody to figure out exactly what is the right kind to buy. for now, i'll settle for my seattle's best level 5 with some brown sugar and half-and-half, just like my sister fixes it!

while i was in haiti, my team kept a blog, which i highly recommend that you check out - right HERE - do it! it's awesome, and it'll give you an idea of what the heck i was doing all of last week. this is, of course, for the 12 people that regularly read and follow this blog. whomp.

this summer, i'll also be keeping another blog - i know, more time to detract from this one. i'll be keeping one for the william & mary website, and i'm super excited about it. my friend brian blogs for w&m and i love all of his posts (see here). i'll be sure to post some on here as well, about more lighthearted things and more realistically me things, but for my w&m blog i'll be tackling everything related to w&m and life here, including the three w&m connections we made while i was in haiti (here's a preview - 1: random kid walking up a mountain in a rural village with a w&m longsleeved t on, 2: touring pure water for the world and meeting one of the employees whose daughter is a rising sophomore at w&m, and 3: meeting the dad of a w&m development and PR faculty member in the miami airport in customs!).

time to go grab dinner with my girl, briana, who i'll be working with all summer. i'm excited for plaza azteca and some guacamole - a great way to start the week. i guess i can work on my budgeting plan for the summer until she arrives...yes, mom, i AM doing it.

xoxo.

krp.

jack sparrow.

this is a tale of captain jack sparrow,

a pirate so brave on the seven seas,

a mystical quest to the isle of tortuga,

raven locks sway on the ocean breeze.

- the lonely island.

if you haven't seen this beauty yet, it is worth your watch. in fact, the ENTIRE episode of SNL with tina fey is hilarious.

love it.

xoxo.

krp.

ps - junior year is over - WHAAAAAAT?